An Unexpected Road Trip
by Mourshkin
Summary: A struggle for power, a mighty weapon that can change the fate of all. But this time, Dwarves are bikers, Elves are hippies, Aragorn is the ex-captain of the North Rangers football club and the fellowship are being chased by nine terrifying riders on black Harleys. *The whole thing is COMPLETELY INSANE and based off a psychedelic dream that I just had to write down, my appologies!*
1. Chapter 1

Setting out from the Lorien Commune wasn't really something I had looked forward. I mean all the singing and 'communing with Mother Earth' was preeetty weird, and let me tell you it felt even weirder after drinking a couple bottles their home-brew. But really compared with the violent streets of Moria, that farm was like some sort of hippy haven. For some time, I even managed to forget all the sadness that accompanied the memory of poor Mr. Gandalf, although Celeborn did say that the stuff we were smoking could sometimes result in a bit of amnesia...hmm.

It wasn't just me, Gimli got really into it - he even did some yoga! That could have had more to do with getting stretchy with Galadriel than any concern for his chakra. Even so, that doesn't explain why the tough old biker let Legolas braid flower's in his beard. The Commune really was starting to affect us all, though poor Boromir never really managed to relax like the rest of us. In fact, apart from him, I think we would have been quite content to stay for an awful lot longer than we did.

When the day did eventually come, I couldn't believe how generous the old hippies were. I mean fair enough, some of their 'special herb' and stuff, but three cars! Thats just pushing the boat out, so to speak. Probably something to do with their 'rejection of the material world', though this tactic might go some way to explain why the Commune was in such dire straits. Yes, one was a clapped out old VW bus, one a junky ex-Painter/Decorator's van and the other a rusting Micra but a car is still a car! Boromir took me and my cousins in the VW and drove as quick as he could out of the place, said it gave him the heebie-jeebies (I know he grew up at some fancy Manor, but jeez that guy really doesn't like things he's not used to). After many thanks, Aragorn followed us, rattling down the farm's dirt track in the tiny Micra.

Last of all, Gimli and Legolas followed in the painter's van (I only know that's what it was cos it still had the logo on the side). Later the biker said he was glad the rest of his gang hadn't seen him weep as they drove away. Luckily, Legolas was really understanding - didn't tease him at all. Actually those two seemed to get on a hell of a lot better after Lorien Commune, I guess it just took a while for them both to see past those silly prejudices they'd been clinging onto.

Anyway, we kept driving in convoy for quite a while till Boromir spotted a nice layby where we could stop for the night. We were all pretty tired and still close enough to the Commune to feel safe enough not to leave someone on look out. So we all just nodded off best we could in the car seats (at least that was warmer than sleeping rough like we had been doing before).

It must've been early morning still when I was woken by Pip's shout.

The old fear returned and I sat up with such a jerk I cricked my neck. My heart beat fit to break my ribs and I could feel the adrenaline coursing. It must be danger, an O.R.C gang? Or worse, Black Riders. I tumbled out the VW, which was empty apart from myself in a desperate search for my friends - had they been hijacked? Kidnapped? Again I heard a cry, although this time it sounded like Sam's voice. I ran towards the sound, which came from the other side of a stand of trees.

I burst through into clearing, remember at the last that I'd forgotten my knife and so would pretty useless in a fight. Fortunately, no violence was necessary. In fact, I had absolutely no time to react to the situation I found because at that moment I was hit smack in the face with a football.


	2. Chapter 2

Lying there in a daze, on my back staring up at the sunny morning sky, I almost believed I was back in the good old Shire again. For a moment, as I watched the clouds pass lazily over my head, I thought I was back at the beginning of this crazy roadtrip. Setting out with my cousins on our old road bikes, with light hearts and light bags, thinking only of a nice jaunt to Rivendell Farm. We really hadn't a clue about O.R.C gangs, or Black Riders or aspiring evil tyrants. It was quite nice for a minute actually, but Gimli's shout brought me back to earth.

"Boom! Headshot! Haha! Sorry, man, didn't see you there."

Shoving myself into a sitting position I stared around me, all the guys were there, crowded round me and obviously keeping back laughter. There were no attackers, there was no danger. Whether it was the football-to-the-head or just that I was still half-asleep, I felt seriously befuddled.

"You...you guys were shouting? I thought there was trouble...I came to..um?"

"To save us, eh Merry?" Boromir laughed and pulled me to my feet. "Well, actually you might be more of a help to us than you think! We're 5 - nil down already!"

So it turns out all the noise they'd been making was just part of an impromtu football match they'd decided to have before setting off. Seriously, those guys! We're off on a mission to save the world or whatever and Aragorn still finds time for a bit of a kick-about.

Being an ex-pro, Aragorn's team had been completely thrashing Boromir's and not liking to be outdone (even in a bit of four-aside football) things were starting to get pretty heated. I ended up with Pip, Boromir and Legolas playing against the rest. And you know what? It was actually great! Getting to run about, just for the sake of it and not running for our lives. Well it was great until old Boromir went and blew it. Like literally, totally blew his top! Started shouting and shouting at Frodo that he'd been offside when he scored a goal against us.

It went all awkward and quiet and Frodo (who's never been one for competitive stuff to be honest) walked off into the woods, looking seriously upset. We all sort of avoided each other's eyes as Boromir stomped off in the other direction. It was weird, totally out of character too cos Boromir was always such a nice guy - bit stroppy if he didn't get his way but really nice all the same.

After a while, neither of them came back and the rest of us started feel pretty uneasy. It wasn't good any of us going off alone, least of all Frodo. Sam had just decided to go after him when we heard it.

Thundering feet in heavy boots. Yelling, whooping and cat-calling. The noises surrounded us and we huddled together, realising just how stupid we'd been to go anywhere without weapons and with our guard down. We still couldn't see anything , the trees were obscuring our view. But we knew. There was no doubt. We were surrounded by O.R.C.s.

That's basically like being as good as dead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the encouragement WanderingIdealism!**

* * *

Aragorn immediately sprang into action like the captain he was.

"Legolas, Gimli - get these three to one of the cars and get out of here!"

It wasn't looking good, but we didn't really have another option. We all nodded and prepared to storm through the trees. Except Sam. He got this funny look and just stood stock still.

"What about you, Strider?"

"I'm going after Frodo and don't you argue with me." As he said it he turned and sprinted in the direction the my cousin had walked off in. As soon as he made a move, O.R.C.s exploded through the trees, yelling, brandishing bats and iron pipes. It was awful, like being back in Moria again. My whole body sort of jammed up and I was stuck in place. That didn't happen to the others though.

Sam yelled just as fiercely and charged after Aragorn. That boy really won't take no for an answer. Strider's light on his feet, dodged our clumsy attackers no bother and broke through the ring. Sam wouldn't have been nearly so lucky if Legolas and Gimli hadn't jumped in to beat off anyone who came near him.

And that left Pip and me. Suddenly all our friends were gone and there we were surrounded by a seething mass of sweaty, ragged thugs. If the odds hadn't been so against us, I might've hoped to outsmart them (I mean, come on, their gang's called 'Orrible Radical Cillers. Killers - with a C.) But the odds were against us. We were totally going to die, or thats what I was thinking when I heard the revving of an engine. It was so loud it drowned out the O.R.C's horrid yammering.

Without warning, the old VW bus burst into the clearing, toppling everyone in it's way like bowling pins. Wheels screamed and the bus turned a tight circle in a totally awesome way. Throwing up dust and scattering the O.R.C.s. It was then that I saw Boromir at the wheel, he'd come to save us! It was a miracle, we were actually going to escape. Pip whooped and grabbed me by the arm, dragging me towards the van. We were almost there when what sounded like a firecracker exploded behind us. Instinctively, we both dropped to the ground. When I looked up a second later, I wished I hadn't.

The windscreen had shattered inward and poor old Boromir was covered in the shards. But that wasn't worst of it. God, I wish it had been. He'd been shot, right in the chest. I didn't even think O.R.C.s had guns, but one did. I just sat there on the ground like the useless idiot I am, staring emptily. Another firecracker noise, another shot to the chest. I spun round and saw the gunman, arm raised, with a twisted smile. But that was wiped off when the engine revved again. The VW shot forward straight at the shooter. I caught a blurred view of Boromir, grim and proud as the van sped past. Then bang, bang, bang. I flinched at every shot.

The bus swerved wildly and crashed into the stand of trees.


End file.
